Regardless of our culture, our level of education
or economic status, at the depth of all of us are the same desires- to love, to
be loved, and to be happy.
Of course we could add other desires to this list, like money and wealth, but
when you drill into these things, the reason for wanting them is so that we can
appear more desirable, and will hopefully be loved and accepted.
Humans need to feel a sense of
belonging and acceptance, they need to love and be loved (sexually and
non-sexually) by others.
There is one only happiness in
life: to love and be loved, in the absence of love; people become loneliness,
anxiety and depression.
Why do we search for love?
All of us have an intense desire to be loved and
nurtured. The need to be loved, could be considered one of our most basic and
Given the importance of the need to be loved, it
isn’t surprising that most of us believe that a significant determinant of our
happiness is whether we feel loved and cared for.
In our pursuit of the need to be loved, however,
most of us fail to recognize that we have a parallel need: the need to love and
care for others.
This desire, it turns out, is just as strong as the need to be loved and
nurtured. It is the desire to love and take care of other.
We know that the desire to love and care for others is a hard-wired and
deep-seated because fulfillment of this desire enhances our happiness levels.
In other words, expressing love or compassion for others benefits not just the
recipient, but also its perpetrator.
We search for love because
without it we aren’t complete. We take another person 'into our heart' through
the positive emotions we feel for him or her.
We search for love, because it
is the very reason we exist. All of us have a basic human need to feel loved and
We want to have our perfect
partner, we spend much of our time and energy seeking that person out. Do you
have a rough idea of what your perfect partner is: beautiful, or smart, or rich,
or educated, or tall, or handsome, or fit, or whatever else…
Here’s a simple exercise that
will help you discover and identify the qualities in your partner. Grab a pen
and paper to go through this exercise, even if you are presently in a
1. The Perfect Image
On a piece of paper, list out
all the qualities that your ideal partner will have. What kind of
characteristics and qualities do you truly desire?
List out the details like,
lifestyle, views on money, spiritual beliefs, hobbies, abilities, age,
profession, height, weight, hair color, or anything that you want if you had
your choice in creating your ideal partner.
2. Minimum Requirements
Minimum requirements are
qualities you need from your partner, and without them, you will feel
Go through each quality from
step 1 and mark it next to the quality, otherwise, leave it blank.
3. Screening Minimum
Filter through the minimum
requirements list, for each item with the minimum requirements label, ask the
“If a person had all the other qualities on my list, am I willing to let this
quality go?” If the answer is yes, cross out that from your requirements
Of course you could add other
desires to this list, like money and wealth and other fancy things, but when you
drill into these things, the reason for wanting them is so that we can appear
more desirable, and will hopefully be loved and accepted.
you want to have friendship and love? Check here to search for true love.